Disillusion

Week 1 of Term 1 is over. The past 3 days of school had been admin, admin and more admin. It doesn't help too, that I'm involved (unwillingly in most of them) in many committees. Really dread opening the mailbox too, or shall I call it the target board.

Have been trying to think positively, that all these arrows are a way which the bosses express their appreciation and recognition of my abilities. Perhaps it is also my fault for not learning to say no at times, or the mentality of "if I don't go to hell, who will?". I'm not a hero. Heroes always die first and fast. I don't want to be a hero too. Life is just too short for that.

However, I always remember this advice from my supervisor, that teachers are appraised not on our teaching performance, but on the extra stuffs which we do outside and above teaching duties. Teaching is just the basic requirement for us to be in-service. But on how far we climb or how thick our performance bonuses are, it depends on how much "ECAs" we have.

Disillusion sets in. Just how many of us stepped into this line to perform or excel in non-teaching tasks? These ECAs are taking quite a toil on me so much so that I'm no longer focused in teaching, which had really been degraded into my part-part-time task.

Okay, I know this topic is something which I've whined before when I started blogging. But seriously, I came in to teach and not really to climb the ladder or be an administrator. Now, things seem to have gone upside down.

My resolution this year is to have a better Work Life Balance. Had aimed to be back home by 5pm last week. But alas, I only managed a 6.30pm. Had wanted to not think about work or check my emails during weekends, but I can't do it. I try to console myself that this is only the beginning weeks. Things will settle down and soon I would be fine.

My fingers are crossed. "Yeah", 9 more weeks to "holiday".