Parenthood

Interestingly, this topic has been a conversation favourite recently during my rare social functions. The sub-topics range from being a parent to enrolling your child in primary schools.

Someone had asked if I have the fatherly instincts in me when I was planning to have a kid. To be honest, I didn't. It ain't some biological switch that could turn on automatically to instruct me to procreate. Even till now, I'm not sure if I can qualify to declare that I have that instinct in me. When it comes, it just happens. It's really more like a change in career, into a field which you've totally have not inkling to it. On job training is the main learning channel and I must admit it is a steep learning 'J' curve in economics term.

My boy is already 22 months old and I still can't really detect his cries when I'm frolicking in slumberland or smell his poo when they're still hold up in his diapers. So do I have fatherly instincts?

Well, perhaps I have made the extra effort in making small talks with him, explaining to him how things around us work and so on. Pretty much what I do at my 1st job during the day, except that instead of facing an audience of 42, I just have 1. Maybe I do have become extra paranoid with regards to cleanliness and potential child hazards. So are they fatherly instincts?

Many times I do get frustrated with my boy when he gets cranky and does many naughty stuffs like scratching, pinching, hitting, screaming, whining etc. But I always remind myself of this saying I read somewhere - "Every misbehaviour lies an innocent intention". They are usually to get the parents' attention; they are tired; they are frustrated because they don't understand the parents' intentions or the parents don't understand them or that they do not know how to express themselves. Humans are not born evil and this is something which I hold fast onto.

Most of the time when I take myself out of the picture, as an onlooker, I noticed that parents tend to think that they know better or they know what is good for the child. However, they never put themselves into the shoes of the child. How is he feeling right now, emotionally? His needs and wants are very simple, just like the adults' intentions. However, the child just (at that stage of growth) does not have the ability and capability to understand us. Very often it is the adults who misunderstand the poor child, thus leading to much frustrations in both parties.

Sounds like how the PAP government is treating Singaporeans, right?

Anyway, my point is for the so called parents, have they really empathise with their child? Or are they just trying to advance their own personal interests like completing a chore on time, showing off the child etc. The parents are the adults here, who have the capacity to choose to be patient, to empathise, to facilitate and to understand. Sadly, they also have the capacity to behave like their child when it comes to managing emotional frustrations.

Several of my peers are considering sending their child to the branded schools and they asked for my opinion since I am working in a government school. My first question to them is whether is that what which is good for the child, or is it good for the parents (or their convenience). Are both the child and the parents ready to handle the stress in those kinds of environment? As an educator in a neighbourhood school, I feel that in the primary level, children blossom at different stages in their life. What matters most is the parental support at home. Given the right encouragement and support, the child can breeze through the PSLE decently. No child is stupid. They can only be hardworking or lazy. It is their own choice but this choice is influenced by the kind of home support they received (whether explicitly or implicitly).

This year, I have the opportunity to teach the '2nd best' class in the upper primary level. In the past, I've taught the middle and low ability classes. The biggest difference lies not really in their academic potential but in the kind of home support and environment they have, which sad to say, affects their academic outcomes. Putting your child in a branded school doesn't necessarily result in quality academic performance.

Personally, my belief is that at the primary level, what is really important is the involvement of parents in terms of encouragement and attention (not stress), and to let the child learn about learning in a structured school environment and hopefully to love learning, as well as to cultivate the correct moral values. Sadly, the education system in Singapore had morphed (not evolved) into a pre-society rat race. When schools are run as businesses, the cycle just gets more vicious.

Boyboy is almost 2 and I hope to have a number 2 soon and preferably a Girlgirl. Who knows, maybe my fatherly instincts will double?

Alright, time to give in to my mortal instinct of wanting to sleep.